A relatively new, young professional leader coach emailed to ask what patterns in leader behavior had I observed in my coaching practice that seem to be the most problematic for the manager/leader. After some thought, I pondered the levels of leaders---team leads, managers, senior managers, c-suite executives, leaders in all sectors--and felt there was one red thread that was through all levels and contexts. It is easy enough to say supervisors who fail to learn to work with peers don't become general managers, and general mangers who have difficulty adapting to working through people, or executives who fail to develop their strategic muscles are generally unsuccessful. To answer the question posed, four issues kept surfacing as I thought about the coaching I’ve done over the last several years.
The pattern, the red thread through it all, failed relationships, failed efforts at influencing others, and failed efforts to work with diversity is the failure to listen generously and respectfully. As I thought through legion of examples, the problems or issues were around the quality of listening the manager displayed.
I’ve explored the nature of listening, the barriers to listening, and the impact of not being a good listener when in a leadership role. I find that individuals report that they can hear verbalized information that is shared until it hits a misconception or bias of the listener. Some report that they have a very difficult time attempting to listen to people they don't respect or have regard for. Most tell me that the individual talking can hardly get the first sentence out when the listener has started thinking about the response he or she is going to make. Others tell me that when a talker starts to share information, if the listener feels the situation isn't relevant they simply nod and say uhuh without real really hearing, and put their imagination to work on something else.
So the barriers seem to come up again and again. The listeners stop listening when: (1) they hear things they don’t like or agree with, (2) the person talking isn’t someone they like or respect, (3) they feel the information isn’t relevant, or (4) they feel the need to give an answer or opinion.
Learning to be a generous listener is hard work. You have to focus, and listen for more than just the “facts” being shared. You need to listen for the underlying frame of reference, the role of values and principles play into what the individual is sharing, emotional importance to the individual, and the underlying way the individual is making meaning out of the situation being shared. All of this information is available in each interaction, if we are willing to train ourselves to listen generously.
A second issue I see, especially with leaders at the top is how they tend to misunderstand or even ignore the symbolic importance of their position. When the look in the mirror in the morning, they don’t remember that the individual they are looking at creates energy waves in the organization with each act. Individuals serving in senior management roles have a special responsibility for the development and maintenance of the organizational culture. The primary tool to achieve this aim is through action is public settings. In point of fact, leaders in organizations are “on stage” the moment they leave their home each day. How they act and respond to others builds their leadership “brand”. A brand is a mental tattoo—which is to say an emotional image which cannot easily be revised or removed once established. And if the following statement has ever been true, it is with the symbolic importance of leader behavior: you cannot talk yourself out of what you behaved yourself into.
A third issue, and its obviously related to listening and the symbolic nature of leadership is the role of invitational and intentional communication. By this I mean being very intentional to make messages inviting that affirm the significance, competence, and worth of those on whom the leader depends for getting things done. Leaders constantly work to align individuals commitment to organizational goals. As a general rule, communication skills involve the use of body language, word choice, tone, and message intention. Leaders will spend lots of time editing statements, letters, and emails but hardly take the time to “edit” their intentionality. If you ask a leader to write down the opening paragraph of a message they feel is important to give to someone, and then ask three other people to simply hear the message and respond with what is the intentional message and potential unintended message, the insights are often astounding. As a leader, you simply cannot ever forget that the meaning of the message is in the receiver of the message, and until you know what meaning has been made of your effort, you have no idea if communication has occurred.
A final arena of challenge that keeps coming up is being effective at collaboration. In the complex organizations of today with multiple generations and cultures in the workplace, finding a path to foster collaboration is both essential and hard work. Leaders must garner the collective efforts of others to get things done through their work. Collaborative effort is required to deal with complex challenges. When collaboration is the “norm”, organizations see a great deal of discretionary effort provided by those in the organization. When it is absent, individual recoil into their silos and refuse to take on additional work.
Clearly if these were easy things to fix, people would read a book and be transformed into good listeners, symbolically savvy, clear communicators, and inspiring collaborations. Rarely does one event define the perspective others have about a leader. The number and frequency of events become the brush strokes that paint the picture in others’ minds about the motive and intentions of the leader. Just as a canvas can be painted over, leaders can decide to address their behaviors if they genuinely want to shift their approach in getting the best performance out of those whom they lead. If the behaviors noted above were infrequent or reported by one or two, the impact of the behaviors would be inconsequential.
I’ve found that addressing these behaviors works best when the individual leader/manager becomes fully self-aware, “owns” the impact of their behavior, and decides that he or she wants to lead differently. And part of “owning” behavior is realizing its possible sources and additional capabilities that could be accessed for further development. There are plenty of self-aware managers and leaders. There are fewer who are aware that “own” the impact of their behavior. And even fewer who make the choice to learn to lead in different, more effective, and inspiring ways. But a leader can start this journey through self-awareness initiatives (personality assessments, 360 tools, interviews, observational labs), give careful attention to understanding the map between behavior and outcome on others, usually through a coach or facilitator, and a systematic and methodical plan for adjusting both perspectives and behaviors as needed. Though I’ve come to the conclusion, that without generous and deep listening, all other competencies are hindered in the fullness of their impact.
Your thoughts are welcomed.
Comments
Post a Comment